Yin and me.

Sept. 2018

Why am i so passionate about a type of yoga when there are so many other ways to practice self care? Especially in the face of this drastically ever changing modern landscape of what has become yoga? Yoga with... fill in the blanks. WTF?
When i was going through cancer the second time, i was faced with a body that was alien and painful. I needed a way to inhabit my new and forever changed ‘home ‘ in which i was not only terribly uncomfortable but unfamiliar.
My regular practice of movement and breath gave me a bit of temporary peace prior to my diagnosis, but faded as i left the sanctity of community practice. I knew i needed a life raft and a new perspective. As i was undergoing treatment i found yin.
It was at first fucking uncomfortable. Staying in postures for what seemed like an eternity although they were only 3-4 minutes was excruciating to me as i also dealt with the side effects of my cancer treatment. Bone pain, nausea, tears, fear...But then something happened....I met Sarah Powers who taught me the most valuable lesson i carry with me every day. My discomfort and my suffering would be part of my life. Everyones life. How i responded to it was up to me. I could rage against the injustice of this diagnosis. I could pity myself with the Why Me’s?, I could become a victim or a robe wearing bed happy hermit. All things would have been socially acceptable. But i craved something. How do i live in this body and love it? How would i meet inevitable pain and not only embrace it but listen to it, wrap my arms and soul around it and change my life long inner dialogue?
If i could ride the wave of this practice. If i could stay with the beginning, arc and subtle fade of the sensations i would experience , couldn’t i then begin to recognize that it was a metaphor for all experiences? So i gave myself up to it. A white flag of surrender. And it spoke to me. It soothed me. It tended to my wounds.
Do i sound nuts?
Maybe. But thats okay with me.
In the stillness and arc of this practice i have found courage. I have found mercy.
I have found reverence.
I am Yin in and out and it has blessed me.